aching soul

"how important am i?" this question prompt up onto my mind evey single day. i mean.. i never felt important to anyone in ages. never would anyone prioritized me first. and me, always placing my prioritizes wrongly. on certain days i feel important while on the next, i feel like i'm forgotten or even coming to me only when help are needed. feeling special today and stranger next. i can feel all these levels of sadness coming back. those that i long tried to got rid off. it feels so bipolar. i can feel so happy now and the next second so sad over nothing. my mood change too fast, my mind think too much. i don't even know what am i thinking of. i guess i just need someone to make me feel alive again. i don't know how to let you understand all that i've been through, that i fear. how. what. why.