"But i never told you what i should had said no i never told you, i just held it in."


21st Birthday

just gonna pinned down how did my 21st birthday celebration went so i could look back when i'm older next time. so, here it is!

I held my 21st birthday party on 12th of Dec'15, a week earlier than my actual birthday because on my actual birthday i wasn't in singapore but on a vacation in Rome with my boyfriend and his family. it was really a hassle finding a perfect location for my party as well as preparing all the decorations, etc. i decided on my birthday theme to be pink, gold and white! and i actually got my guest to come dressed in white just for my party hahahah and to my surprise, almost everyone wore white and some of my close friends even had to purposely buy a white colored outfit for me :p

i finally decided on Pan Pacific Orchard hotel and actually no joke, even though i've booked my hotel room 2 months in advance there were actually quite a number of places that are all fully booked. luckily my dad was the one rushing and nagging at me to hurry find a spot! so on the day itself, Shamus fetched me over to get my birthday cake before we went over to the hotel. my dad had already checked in for me because he went to get my balloons and cupcakes etc for me.

Qiulin and glenn came earlier to helped out in my deco. soon my guest all
started to scrolled in.

my birthday cake! which ended up the left corner was squashed  because i think the hotel people didnt handle it properly when we asked them to kept it in their refrigerator :(

maternal side relatives!
dad & his wife!

love of my life!!!
boyfriend's family!
my baby best (BFF) 

ahcheang & bf!

alicia & bf!

juatling - ever steady bitch!!

glenn - like of my nicest classmate in secondary school which always offers to lend his helping hand to me hahaha

ITE clique - missing out some of the girls 

BFF & Glenn - hahaha remember the times we always go out tgt then glenn will always be like the ''light bulb'' of us 

bf's friends! which i'm rly shocked they bothered to dressed in white and even got me a present plus a carton of beer! like guys ma, normally they bo chup de? hahahaha

and me!! with the 2 same HK balloon. one of them alicia got for me which she then told me her bf suggested they should get because they know i like HK and it turns out to be the one i've already gotten! but i still love them because its HK!!!

so we started drinking and playing games after all the adults left. and they went back at around 4 in the morning? packed up and went to back and i went to soaked in the bath tub before we checked out the next day!

it was a rly simple celebration i must say. i didnt invited many as i only wanted a small party and just a few of my close and loved ones will do. appreciated and love all the presents and help i've got from all of you. especially my dad who fully sponsored my whole party except the balloons, for running all the little errands and preparing the food for me. as well as shamus who went around fetching my friends over and also entertaining my guests. i must say, i rly am happy that night.


BKK trip

First trip of the year with the bubs, BKK, right after my cidesco examinations. Super happy i managed to get through it with a passing grade. All the memorizing, practicing, coming back to school almost everyday a week did paid off. Achievement unlocked. Now to focus on my driving and find a suitable job for my internship.

Can't wait for next month to come another get away!!! Then again, have to start saving up. :(

some photos we took over at BKK.

Union mall just to try the ice-cream rolls!!!

then baby brought me over to the night market just cause i wanna customized my phone casing

photo taken during our second day in bkk

yay to more adventures with you! :p love you.


home is no longer home. now it's worst. i've never tell anyone, and to those i've poured out, they were so ignorant. probably it's true, nobody care what you feel because it's aint their problem it's aint their feelings, but when they are upset when they get sensitive they expect you to care they expect you to give ur 101% attention and love.

i no longer like going home, every single time i get said for the same thing i hear the same thing i get scolded shouted for the same thing. when i go out, i get text over the same thing. when i meet dad, i get my morning ruined over the same thing. when i go over sham's we argue over the same thing we do the same thing i wait over the same thing. words are nothing. they either a soothing music to the ear or are sharp as knives. 

it feel so terrible seeing my own blood ones fighting over each other. seeing knives, punches flying against each other. and when it comes to family this word, i get so weak on my knees. yet, i put up a smile like it's ok like it's a norm everytime. no one saw through it. and when i tried to pour it out, it felt like a joke. i rather remained silent and personal. 

it's so hard finding someone who'll care enough. or maybe i'm the one expecting more? sigh. probably i'm the one who care too much always, caring for their feelings caring for their company caring if they'd be bored if i'm doing things w/o them leaving them alone caring if they are sick if they have their proper meals correctly caring about how their day went caring about every single detail about them... somedays i just want to be independent but even the strongest fall down sometimes.

what should i do?
nothing feels right anymore in here.
i feel so 
drowning in all these
suck it up.

"It's not always easy, but that's life. Be strong. Know that there are better days ahead."