sometimes all i want is a simple life. but things are constantly changing ever since i was 9. but i decided to accept fate and be happy for whatever i have. that believing god has his way for me. all i ever really wanted was to be love for, to be love for who i am. to be truly happy. to have a perfect family and a normal loving loyal boyfriend, going through marriage walking down my future with me. but everything seems so hard. am i too young to be handling everything? everytime i just seemed to be seeking.

i just really want love, understanding, patience and reassuring. is that hard? i hate to be neglected, i get it most from my family and then friends. why can't things be consistent.. i'm so tired. i just want more attention from my family from the people i love. but how can i, when i don't speak out. when i don't want to sound needy.

sometimes i ask myself, am i asking for too much. am i really so hard to handle? all i really want is someone who will be patient with me, giving me all his attention/love/care, placing me first. bringing me to everywhere he go. not giving up so easily and don't throw all those nasty words at me. that day when the tips of my finger hit ur neck was where i knew all those feelings are coming back.. i really don't wish to fall back into who i were 2 years ago. those were bloodstain memories, it's scary. you don't understand.. you will never.. who will ever love me for who i am? all my good, all my bad, all the scary parts of me?

never question how much i'm willing to do for someone i love if i find that you are worth it and you deserve every good part of me. because when i love i love hard. i do things you can never imagine, i do things even i get hurt, i do things even if you have sexual contact with another girl infront of me, that's how crazy i'm willing to do for someone i deeply love and is willing to give my all. either you earn it or i gradually give you everything you want but you lose a part of me..