life has been rather smooth sailing for me. happily in love with my boy. spending quality time with him always and weekends are the only thing i'm looking forward to for now. well, i just hope you're worth every single thing i'm sacrificing and giving up for. i don't want to regret yet again, i don't want to lose. i don't want to end up with nothing again. sometimes i don't know how exactly to make him understand either that i don't place him second or if they mean much more to me just, i'm just the kind who will always separate my time fairly.
haven't been partying for quite awhile and i honestly have the temptation sometimes but still i gave it up because i don't want to lose him over it. it also sucks to know that i've been neglecting my girlfriends ever since i got together with S. sometimes i just need their understanding but i know it's hard. but no matter what, i hope you guys know i'm always here and how much i would do and risk to not seeing any of my loved ones getting hurt. taking up another new job this holiday, something new something i haven't expose to doing before. hopefully everything goes well. all those dog days i had were over, i sincerely and keeping my fingers crossed it wouldn't come any time soon again.
those 365 days i fought, for everything to be back, you were nonchalant about it. that made me change so much, so damn much that i became so different now. i'm no longer sensitive, i no longer care as much. i guess i'm still numb inside out, still afraid that's why S often say i lost my common senses. it's not that i lose it, it's just that i'm still afraid to let all these down, because when i commit i put all in, and tht's where heartbreaks pain hurts all comes in. i'm afraid of getting that kind of pain again. i just am afraid if i let you in deeper and deeper, my kindness would be taken granted and unappreciated of again. maybe, i'm just afraid you would end up like another him. maybe, i just can't handle that familiar pain once more. maybe i'm afraid if i start sacrificing everything and listening to everything you would climb over my head. and also maybe.. i'm starting to risk it all because i fell for you.
