Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising.

I guess i don't know what i want anymore. I thought i was happy, i thought i could live through the pain. But when i'm back at home, alone in my room, everything just came crashing back at me once again. How do one forget pain and be happy again, i asked. How many actually believe whatever i said. How many actually could see through me? I guess none. Not even my best/fam.

I know what's my problem. I know i don't wanna trap inside that negative hole anymore, but how, but where, but what? I can't leave it. I can't put things behind. And often, i act like i really don't care and how happy i am with life without your existence, do you really believe them? I'm just standing back up on my own again, trying to defeat this battle myself. But i don't know what to do, and how to make a step. All i know is, i'm back to this same old cycle again. Back to this familiar pain. Questioning, why do this have to fall upon me again?

All at once, you looked across a crowded room for no one in particular, just looking. Suddenly, you see him, but, oh, how many times you've seen him before. So, why did your heart just skip a beat? Your eyes meet by mere coincidence, or is it? At that moment, you felt that aching pain, that suffocating tight chest, instantly know that the relationship between the two of you will never be the same again.Why? How did something we build up and gone through many hardship, tears, pain, turned out to be this way? Ain't it supposed to be stronger instead of weaker. I questioned myself every night.

I clearly know and i've been told countless times, i should love myself more. And now.. i'm slowly learning to. Even if it hurts.. Even if it tears, it's for the best. I guess some would never understand until they wake up from it. And it's true, i just wanna be there for you. Helping you get over those days, but i just got dumped away countless times. How many times do i have to feign my feelings? Let go of expectations, let go of the people who hurt me so bad, let go of hatred. That special you, will always be in there. You said, as long as i did not walk away it'll always be my home.

you said forever but oh darling, you lied. your warm embrace over me, i miss them.