I just want to feel appreciated, to feel loved. Is that too much or that hard to ask for? How does it feels like when one you love so much doubts you in every actions you made. Or in every word you said, when you've not did anything unfaithful or cheating behind his back? When you thought that he was special he was different but yet you found out he was the same. He did what your past did to you again, leading you to more fears. He became what he said he won't be. He changed so much. He talks to you with every word of vulgarities or something you don't wanna hear, speaking out what he wants without taking your feelings into consideration anymore whenever his in a foul mood. Not like you don't understand his temper well enough, but just that it's hard to accept things after months of not being in this way. And that it's really hurtful when someone you love scolds you vulgarities, right? And his doing all the things he hates you to do yet his doing it himself, telling you his selfish.. He doesn't seems to understand you anymore. A comforting hug or words will do, but instead he made me feel even worse sometimes by scolding me more. I can't even speak my mind out comfortably anymore because i'm so afraid i would say things that would lead him to get angry or that he gave me a answer that he don't really bother about it. He made me feel like i'm not any bit important to him, not any bit worth his attention. And i'm naive to think that by giving up my all the person i love would love me enough to do it back for me, but no.. he couldn't. Like i said, he used to.. And if you said i'm sensitive, which girls aren't towards someone they love? And indeed you're as sensitive as me so why are you complaining why are you arguing? Why do you say things out of your mouth so easily that it seems like it doesn't mattered to you? If you want me out of your life so badly just say so.. Sigh.. That disappointing heart wrenching feeling. I want my old porky back so much. I once had that perfect fairytale love, but just after i woke up one day, it's all gone. Why? 

The only time i feel the old you back, is only when you're asleep soundly right next to me. 
Who would understand this hurt? Who would understand all that i'm going through? Trying my hardest but not too sure if it's ever gonna be good enough.. if it's ever gonna please you.. because you're always expecting more and comparing me of how much more i'm capable of doing.. My efforts, you'll never see. Never appreciate.. that's what you showed me. Everyday i'm just searching for the old you back. Please return me back my old En.